The joy of routine & ritual.

Over the last year through scaling back my businesses and clawing back more time for myself I have really started to lean into routine and ritual. My previous personality (which btw was all generated from trauma) used to think that I thrived from lack of routine and chaos.

Travelling all the time, everyday being over subscribed and chaotic, always busy and always too much to do.

The damage this caused to my wellbeing both physically and mentally has been huge, even after a year of consciously slowing down I still have symptoms of burn out. I am also still learning to keep space in my life. A lot of us are scared of having space. We don’t know how to have nothing to do, we bury ourselves in busy so we don’t have to face ourselves.

Again, this is trauma.

But I am not going to go deep into trauma today. I want to focus on one of the biggest joys I have discovered in this last 12 months and that is routine & ritual.

When I was having my autism assessment we talked about routine. It’s well known that a large portion of autistic people find life easier to navigate with routines. Often this might be considered rigid or boring but routines are anchors that can allow us to thrive. I was convinced that I didn’t want or need routines. I thrived on chaos remember?

I have come to realise though that this is where trauma, neurodivergence and masking all merge together because my addiction to chaos/busy was a response to my complex PTSD and a part of the masks I had build to cover my autism. What I have actually come to realise over the last 12months is that I thrive with routine & ritual.

I have so many peppered throughout my days, weeks and months now that bring me immense joy and stability. So I thought I would share with you some of these and why they are huge positives in my life. Not everyday is the same and it’s also important that this isn’t so rigid that when things might be a little hectic, like moving house for example I can’t cope. But even then I can find ways to include my routines during more challenging times.

• I also want to note that I am a single, childless and also live in relative safety. I don’t need support for my daily life and I am not currently navigating poverty. I have been able to integrate a lot of routine and ritual in my life with minimal external resistance. If that is not your situation, which will be the truth for many of you then take something small and accessible from this blog post that you can claim as something for you, even if thats just a short walk in a local park or 20mins with a cup of tea and a book. The smallest acts of gentle kindness to ourselves can be a lifeline.

I generally always start my day in the same way, I wake up and get out the house pretty quick. I go for a walk along the beach and then have a coffee in the same cafe while reading my book. I sit in the same place and arrive at the same time most days. This has been a massively important part of my day. It sees me move my body, witness sunrises, find stillness. At the cafe I am making time to read but it’s also become a community building routine. I talk to the people who work there, I have got to know all the other regulars who have become friends, none of this would happen without my routine.

That’s the thing with routine, while seemingly boring it opens up community for us as well as some internal stability.

The rest of my day is less routined as my neurodivergence tends to call the shots here in regards to what is going to get done and I have the privilege of mostly being able to go with the flow of that. I have my small rituals peppered throughout though… lemon and ginger tea, short afternoon walks or sea swims. Evenings I try to journal or read and find I am happiest when I go to bed at 10pm and minimise screens.

Weekly, I attend yoga 3/4 times a week, always the same classes. This practise as well as helping my health has also seen me find more community. I also swim every Thursday morning with a sea swimming group and attend a writing group on Sundays. Can you see how yes I get the benefit of the activity but also more community. Can you see the theme here?

The act of routine and or ritual cultivates our communities and deepens bonds. Alongside the choice to slow the fuck down this can have a beautiful ripple effect in our cultures and lives.

I have also found that repeating the same routines like walking the same route everyday has sharpened my focus and ability to pay attention. While I walk the same routine everyday, it’s never the same. The weather, the season, the people I see and also me are all different everyday. There is always something new to be found or witnessed internally or externally. It’s a truly mindful and simple practise that helps with anxiety and brings me a lot of joy.

Other ways I try to engage in ritual is through following the moon cycles and also the wheel of the year. Both of these give me a lot of joy as they are directly linked to nature and I get a lot of meaning in my life by nurturing my connection to nature. It’s also fun and can be done in community.

By introducing these small acts into my life I am becoming more grounded into my life rather than whizzing through it. I am also becoming a part of community and creating more spaciousness as well as tapping into deeper creativity. The other huge benefit is the regulation and increased capacity of my nervous system. Ultimately these practises are helping me to heal.

I am not saying you have to lean in as hard as me to get the benefit of these things but perhaps you would love to explore where you can create more routine and ritual in your life? Just one or two small promises to yourself that bring you some daily joy.

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